On Track to a 12-Step Program

Today I found a post on YouTube…of ME. At the track. Exposed. I am not sure whether I should feel disgusted or angry (my louder mom would say “pissed”), but I’ve been violated all the same. I thought I felt someone watching me the other day. Must have been my “little” mom, as the loud one calls her, that filmed me. I wonder how she’d feel if I took footage of her putting clothing on the tiny furry beast called Eggnog. My little mom would be totally humiliated if the world saw her do such a ridiculous thing. I would say not as humiliated as Eggnog, but that tiny beast thinks wearing more clothes is fun. Steve, though, would be mortified if he knew you saw him like this.

Anyway, back to the track. I’ve had a “problem” with the track for about a year and a half. I’m drawn to it, need it, but mostly play with it in private. It doesn’t hurt anyone, except maybe Walter, who is scared of it. But Walter’s scared of his own reflection. Literally.

The track is where the action is at on Creekview. I’m known for it. Notorious, maybe, but all in all, a sure thing. Steve, the old ladies, Willow, and Baby Girl make bets on me: how many times I can spin it without batting at it more than once, the number of times I roll my head around following it without blinking, how many minutes I can go before I need a drink. I’m good. I’m very good…

But enough about me. Sometimes the winnings (i.e., bragging rights and the additional benefit of prime places to sleep for the inside players) are disputed and fights erupt. This happened again yesterday. Ethel, who’s always mad about something anyway, accused Steve of making private side-deals with Baby Girl and his wanna-be lover, Willow, which resulted in hissing and fighting. Violet, as usual, ended up in the crossfire between that old bat Ethel and my annoying brother, Steve, and got knocked down.

As the fighting and yelling (Ethel is LOUD) continued, I watched from the next room. No one noticed me so I took copious notes. Steve moved to pounce on Ethel’s head but then stopped and just looked at her… she screamed and stomped to the back room (you should hear her walk!), swinging and dragging her swaying gut (I wish little mom would post video of THAT on YouTube). Steve just stood there, licking his paw, raising his eyebrow whiskers in feigned surprise when Violet admonished him for bothering Ethel. Just let her win sometimes, she told him.

Ethel wants to bet at the track….and by Gods-of-the-treat-bag, she said, no one wants to hear her go on and on about how she’s treated unfairly, how the world is against her, or how her singing career is getting ruined by the stress of being around Steve. (As an aside, that’s a continual theme we all hear from Ethel. Steve, Steve, Steve.) Steve just ignored old Violet’s reprimands and walked into the room where Ethel was hissing up a storm (to herself, of course) and more screaming ensued.

Walter, in his anxiety, ran in there not knowing anything but thinking like a dog that he should run TOWARD the yelling. Of course, the General (Sherman) was in tow. When the furry beasts get together, nothing good comes of it. I know… Thankfully, Eggnog just laid on her luxury bed and refused to participate in such lowly ventures. Walter and Sherman charged Steve, Steve scrambled away from the heckling Ethel (who decided at that point to cheer on the dogs AND threaten their beastly lives all at the same time), and then Steve almost shit himself before jumping on the dryer. I would say he deserved it, but no one should be subjected to getting chased by a dog, let alone live with one.

It was all very exciting. I just had to run to the window to tell Willow, Baby Girl, and Bubbles what happened. Willow got upset that his boyfriend was nearly driven to shitting himself (and then he killed a bird for good measure – don’t tell mom). Bubbles just ran in circles, chasing her own tail. I don’t get why she’s not more interested in what I have to say. Baby Girl, though, wrote everything down – asked me a bunch of questions! What I know is very important, she says (and she’s right!). Then I noticed, out of the corner of my eye…the track.

One thought on “On Track to a 12-Step Program

  1. Pingback: No soldier left behind. | creekviewcarol

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