I’m back! I tell you, I don’t like sharing my blog with the furry beasts for this Wordless Wednesday thing my sister Eggnog cooked up. Now Sherman is talking about starting his own blog. What a terrible idea!
Anyway, I’ve been thinking about the information my neighbor, Baby Girl, shared with me about her brother, Willow, thinking Steve looked F-I-N-E in his gang initiation outfit for the Springhill Ballers.
Evidently Willow’s new boyfriend, Scruffy, caught wind of what Willow said and is NOT happy! I can’t decide whether I should tell Steve in case he’s in danger, or not tell him so he doesn’t get hung up on Willow again?!
Even though the Ballers laughed Steve out of his initiation because of his outfit, Steve still wants to join. Steve’s problem is, they told him not to come back until he dresses appropriately. But if what he wore wasn’t appropriate, what is?!
As luck would have it, our sister, Eggnog, told us that she has a wealth of knowledge when it comes to street fashion. Who knew?!
Eggnog said that long before Steve and I came along, she was a canine innovator in the American hip hop and rap genres, recording with some of the biggest names in the industry. Known then as Eggnog-y Nogg, she was the first dog on the music scene. [Unless you count Snoop Dogg, which she doesn’t. Though she says he was one of the many artists with whom she collaborated.]
Eggnog regaled us with stories of a life more luxurious than my imagination can fathom. Servants brought fresh salmon flown in from the Pacific Northwest on gold-plated Wedgwood china. She drank Acqua di Cristallo “Tributo a Modigliani” from Waterford Crystal bowls. The only brands she wore were Burberry and Prada and she slept on a Louis Vuitton bed. When she went clubbing or to performances, she was chauffeured in P. Diddy’s Phantom Drophead Coupé Rolls Royce.
After appearing on an episode of MTV’s CRIBS with Ja Rule, Eggnog was asked to host a spinoff – MTV Cribs: Doggy Style. Eggnog said she turned down the offer because she found the title degrading. When I asked what was degrading about it, she scoffed and said I was so naive.
What I don’t get is how being a rap artist gives Eggnog knowledge about gang fashion? Eggnog said that if I’d ever been clubbing with 50 Cent, I’d understand.
Eggnog told Steve and me that she had a catalog of crazy stories she could share, but since there is no statute of limitations on felonies in Kentucky, she’d have to do so off the record. So I’m sorry, but you’ll just have to use your imagination. I’m sworn to secrecy.
But back to Steve’s fashion dilemma. Eggnog offered to style him for his initiation. But she said it would take some time for her to dig up her old wardrobe. Fortunately for Steve, the ground is thawed.
Steve agreed, more out of desperation than trust in Eggnog’s abilities. He’s going to ask Gus, leader of the Springhill Ballers, to give him one more week. Hopefully that’ll be enough time for Eggnog to work her magic.
In the meantime, Eggnog said she’d school Steve on how to carry himself like a thug. So far, Steve’s calling us all “Dogg” [even Ethel!] and walking around with a strange limp that he says is “G”. Last night I overheard Little Mom ask LOUD Mom if she thought they needed to take Steve to the vet for his “gimpy” leg. I don’t think that’s the “G” Steve was going for.
I don’t know about all this. Seems to me that Steve’s schooling is off to a rocky start, but what do I know? I never went clubbing with 50 Cent.