The response.

Last week my sister, Ethel, sent off a letter to Ms. Rice of Eli Lilly in response to Ms. Rice’s interest in working with Ethel to promote their product, Prozac. Today, the mail carrier delivered Ms. Rice’s response.

Dear Ethel,
I received your letter detailing a list of demands which must be met in order to work with you. While we think you would be an excellent fit to market our product, Prozac, to cats, I am afraid that we cannot meet your demands.

First, asking your moms to re-home your brother, Steve, is cruel, even by our standards. Second, we want humans to listen to our commercial, not think they have a starving cat trapped under their floorboards – singing your lines is absolutely out of the question. Finally, we could probably meet your demand of having your former water bowl returned to use; however, as a cat owner myself, I sympathize with your moms’ frustration over messy spills and wet paw prints tracked around the house. So that one’s out, too.

I’m not sure if you are aware, but your letter included a note at the bottom from your brother, Steve. He indicated that he is interested in allowing us to use his abs in our marketing. His abs are quite impressive. We happen to have a new Feline Growth Hormone in the trial stage at this time and are open to discussions with him. Could you please have him forward us a modeling portfolio to share with our producer and art director?

Sincerely,
Ms. Rice

lilly-letter

This is not going to be pretty.

23 thoughts on “The response.

    • Ethel is SO mad, Deb! It’s almost unbearable. Baby Girl’s running a sweat lodge retreat in her back yard right now. That sounds a little too hot for me. I’m accustomed to a pretty steady 68 degrees year-round. But if things here get much worse, I may have no choice.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Oh, dear. I did not anticipate a response at all, let alone this quickly. Has Steve seen this? Will Eggnog help with the modeling portfolio? Does Steve even HAVE a modeling portfolio? Oh, Carol…

    Liked by 1 person

    • I wish she hadn’t responded! Ethel is beyond mad and Steve is just egging her on, even if it’s unintentional. [Of course Ethel insists EVERYTHING Steve does is on purpose.] I may try to go sleep in The General’s crate to get some reprieve.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Uhoh………I foresee BIG problems…..Steve may have pushed the envelope just a tad too far. Horning in on Ethel’s private correspondence for the purpose of self-promotion probably was not wise. Maybe Steve should get out of town quick (or at least find an available closet in the house where Ethel can’t find him)………

    Hugs, Sammy

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi, Sammy! I love my brother, but he sure knows how to push Ethel’s buttons! When Baby Girl’s done leading her sweat lodge retreat, I’m going to see if she has any ideas to help negotiate a truce.

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  3. I foresee quite a bit of howling and screeching in the near future. You may want to find a bunker to hide in, Carol. As for Steve, before he rushes into anything, perhaps he should consider whether he wants the general public to think that his abs are the result of pharmaceutical enhancement rather than a combination of hard work and good genes.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Why, thank you! Our moms tried giving Ethel Prozac, but it didn’t work. Walter says you can’t fix mean, or something like that. And I’m sure you’ll hear more about Steve! And his abs. Thanks for visiting!

      Liked by 2 people

  4. Oh dear! I can only imagine how Ethel will take the news. Yikes! And to know that Steve has captured their interest instead. I agree with some of the other comments – find a good place to hide out, hopefully that’s soundproof!

    Liked by 1 person

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    • I don’t know about Ethel, but I’m always open to suggestions on her behalf. Anything that might make living with her a little easier 🙂

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