No soldier left behind.

Sherman-01_profileHello, this is The General. With limited access to the computer this past week, I missed my chance at Wordless Wednesday. Carol told me I’d have to wait until next week, but I managed to commandeer the computer while she’s off being nosy – or as she calls it, “making observations.” Yes, it was technically Walter’s turn to host Wordless Wednesday, but, as you’ll see, I have more pressing matters to present – matters that cannot wait.

The issue at hand is the inadequate location of my troop basket – which our moms condescendingly refer to as the “toy” basket.

basket_photo-current

Several days ago, I submitted a formal written request for relocation of the basket to the Joint Chiefs of Staff of the Household Headquarters, but have not received a response. Quite possibly the issue is mired in a bureaucratic stranglehold (for the lay-dog or cat, that means my moms are still discussing it).

letter

As you can see from the diagram below, my access to the basket is limited to only one side. I need free access to all angles of the basket, so that I may pull the appropriate soldier for the mission at hand.

floorplan-LR-track-current

basket-clearance

If I were a lightweight like Walter, I could squeeze through to reach the other side (where I often see Carol listening and “making observations”). But, as you may be aware, I am a canine of substantial girth, so this is not feasible.

Not only does the current location limit access to my troops, it also causes delays. I must rifle through the basket, wasting time and energy pulling out a number of soldiers until I get just the right one. This affects my punctuality and aggravates Walter, who just wants me to hurry up so he can go outside to potty. Often I am forced to leave soldiers behind in the interest of keeping time – a wholly unacceptable measure.

basket_photo-troops-strewn

The battlefield – so many soldiers unnecessarily abandoned.

I’ve given this matter much thought and would like to present what I consider to be optimal locations for the basket’s relocation:

LOCATION #1 – The Center of the Living Room

Obviously the best choice, placing the basket in the center of the living room allows access to all sides. Additionally, there is enough clearance that one can march with the troops in any direction, unlimited by obstructions.

floorplan-LR-track-LOC1

basket_photo-location1

LOCATION #2 – The Middle of the Kitchen

Almost as good as Location #1, the middle of the kitchen allows access to all sides and has decent clearance. One benefit is that the kitchen is centrally located between the living room and sunroom. The downside, however, is that I am a messy drinker, and with the water fountain in close proximity there is an increased likelihood that overflow and dribble may flood the troops.

floorplan-K-loca2

basket_photo-location2

LOCATION #3 – Beside the End Table

Not as ideal due to obstructions within close proximity, this location still permits access to all sides. Yes, Carol’s track would need to be relocated because, at the current time, it is situated here. However, our moms should not encourage Carol’s addiction to the track by making it so easily accessible.

floorplan-LR-track-LOC3

basket_photo-location3

If this site is chosen for my troop basket, I recommend relocating Carol’s track to where my basket is currently situated or, more preferably, under the sofa.

track_under-sofa

NEXT STEPS

Once a new site is selected, we will need to install surveillance. Eggnog steals and caches the soldiers’ rations [aka chewies]. This is not permissible and, should she continue, I will be forced to have her court martialed.

eggnog-sherman-chewy

As the newly anointed house thug, Steve offered to guard my troop basket. For obvious reasons, Steve cannot be trusted. First, his abs are no match for Eggnog’s drive to abscond with the troops’ rations. Second, Steve is lazy. He wouldn’t even participate in Carol’s little catsercise regimen. Do you think he has the stamina to stand at attention for hours on end? And, third, Steve’s a cat. He’ll nap on the job.

steve-sleeping

Steve is the laziest cat I’ve ever met – that says a lot.

The protection of my soldiers and their rations is too important a matter to be left in the paws of Steve. What we need is a video surveillance system equipped with alarms. As such, I’m accepting proposals and bids from surveillance installation contractors through the end of next week. No late bids, please.

As you can see, the current situation is dire, particularly since a response from the Joint Chiefs of Staff has not been forthcoming. If you happen to know the Joint Chiefs, I ask that you apply pressure on them to right this wrong.

Very best regards,
General Sherman

43 thoughts on “No soldier left behind.

  1. You know, I think you are perfectly within your rights to ask for the troop relocation. You might consider asking the housing dept. to install a ramp as well. Accessibility is key in strategic matters.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your well wishes! You may be right about Carol’s track. My concern is that she would drive us crazier than she does now were the track to become more challenging for her to access. Carol can be VERY persistent.

      Like

  2. General, I can’t imagine that the Joint Chiefs of Staff won’t do something to address these troubling security concerns, especially since you have presented them with such well-considered strategic options.

    As far as surveillance goes, I share your concerns. As someone who lives in apartment, I am on constant alert for possible breaches in our perimeter, so I know how demanding it can be to maintain security single-handed. I think you are right not to trust that shiftless mercenary Steve. Perhaps the Joint Chiefs would consider investing in some drones that could be deployed for pre-emptive strikes on chewy looters.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you, Albert. Finally someone who can relate to my situation. Given your security expertise, would you be interested in offering consultation services? I am particularly impressed with your recommendation of utilizing drones. Can these be purchased on the open market? I think that if we put our two heads together we could develop a top-notch security program. Please consider my proposal.

      Liked by 2 people

      • I have a drone in my possession already (actually, it belongs to the Guy, but he’s out of town). So I would be interested in working with you.

        However, the Lady is none too happy about the idea of preemptive strikes and says that She does approve of me becoming part of the military-industrial complex. She thinks you should try negotiating with Eggnog.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Negotiate with Eggnog?! I think the Lady underestimates the depths of Eggnog’s deceitfulness. Perhaps you can talk to the Guy when he gets home? He owns a drone – he’ll likely understand.

        But I know how these things work. The Joint Chiefs generally communicate with one another, making working around one of them impossible. Thank you for humoring my request, Albert. If your situation changes, please let me know!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. If you don’t mind the troops getting a bit hairy, Steve can probably just sleep on them. It’s likely no attacker is going to be able to get Steve to budge. The weight of a cat seems magnified proportionally to the deepness of their sleep.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. A very well presented and thoughtful case for the JCS to consider…..you even provided some alternatives to the current troop location which should be the LEAST taxing on the JCS’s decision-making process (whatever that may be – after all they’re only human). About the suggestions above, I think a ramp is an excellent idea – allows for easy access to inspect the troops. The issue of putting Carol’s track UNDER the sofa may be problematic as well. I’m thinking there will just be a lot of complaints lodged about accessibility and who needs more drama and trauma?! Centrally locating the troops is the BEST solution. I am going to be anxious to hear how the JCS responds – hopefully they will function better than most governmental agencies I know of when it comes to making decisions and won’t produce a 5,000 page reply that makes no sense. Know what I mean?

    Hugs, Sammy

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you, Sammy. I’m not optimistic. Both of my moms are scientifically minded, which means they relish in exploring all angles of any problem. They’ll likely want to test various options before making a decision resulting in a time consuming and laborious process, leaving my soldiers tied up in their red tape for potentially months on end awaiting a final report, which as you indicated will be verbose and indecipherable. Maybe I should just move my troops and ask questions later!

      Liked by 3 people

  5. General, we are speaking of high ranking government types here, and I think you realize that government decisions can take years…YEARS…sir. Take charge General, and marshal those troops to a strategic position, build a bunker around them and hunker down for a long battle. Personally, I have found in situations such as these that if the troops just happen to be soaked in canine spittle most enemy troops and government officials will simply leave them in their positions. I suggest a heavy campaign of chewing on all troops to wet them sufficiently. If you were to offer some sort of bonus (extra R&R?) perhaps Eggnog and Walter could be enlisted to move this mission along.
    Best to you General.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I think you’re onto something here, Deb. Eggnog cannot be trusted, but Walter, for all his neuroticism, is an intelligent gent. I will coordinate with him to develop a relocation strategy. You are right – this cannot wait YEARS. We don’t have that kind of time. Thank you for your helpful feedback and encouragement!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. General – while I realize there is protocol to follow, I do believe your “move troops and ask questions later” strategy might be the best course of action. Jacques has deployed a number of his troops to various positions throughout the house on multiple occasions. His (continued) actions resulted in a secondary troop basket located across the house from his primary troop basket. He has one or two soldiers that seem to be on constant patrol and move around the house with him. I have begun to simply leave those troops where they lay/lie/are as I realize they will be on the move as soon as Jacques wakes up. Best of luck to you!

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Sherman–first of all, I must commend you on your beautiful handwriting! At least the mom’s can know your demands exactly. But I am not sure in the middle of the room is your best choice. Eggnog would have such open access to steal with the soldiers being so ‘exposed’ so to speak. I think beside the end table might be best because then you could seek shelter from anyone under the table. And maybe spy on Carol as she does her ‘observations.’

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your well-reasoned suggestions. You make an excellent point about not leaving my troops exposed. They face enough threats as it is! I suspect the Joint Chiefs would also prefer a more, shall we say, discreet location as well.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Best of luck on the relocation of your troops. Our Bonnie, Belle, and Bess pups gave us a similar request not too long ago. Relocation of the troops in our house made all three of them very happy 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  9. hello general its dennis the vizsla dog hay wow yoo shoor do plan for and tayk payns to enshoor the well beeing of yore soldiers!!! i just tern mine into gobs of stuffing and skrap fabrik!!! maybe that is why yoo hav so menny and i hav so fyoo!!! ok bye

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Pingback: Petition drive. | creekviewcarol

  11. Pingback: On Golden Paw | creekviewcarol

  12. Pingback: (Not So) Wordless Wednesday | creekviewcarol

  13. Pingback: The Battle of Bull(y) Run | creekviewcarol

  14. Pingback: The Great Debate | creekviewcarol

  15. Pingback: Better to fight for something, than live for nothing! | creekviewcarol

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s