Hello, this is The General. Carol reported to me that many of you are asking for updates on the status of my request for the Joint Chiefs of the Household Headquarters to relocate my troop basket.
After a surprisingly brief discussion on the sofa, while also knitting and watching a true-crime HBO documentary, the Joint Chiefs made a decision. Citing the tendency of the troops to spill out of their basket and clog up the entry way, Little Mom suggested moving them to a more “out of the way” location. Out of the way?! Frankly, I find such callous disregard for my soldiers’ contributions offensive!
Then, LOUD Mom had the audacity to suggest they sort through my troops and GET RID OF the ones I don’t use!!! How do they know which soldiers I use?! Some are special forces, that I only need under certain circumstances. Not to mention that others aren’t used because I CAN’T GET TO THEM!!!
So at 22:43 hours on Monday, May 18th, 2015, my troops were relocated… to the opposite corner of the living room.
You may recall that this is not one of the options I presented. First, though the new position does provide 360 degrees of access to my troops, the location is suboptimal. As you can see from the below diagram, I am forced to make a significant detour en route to the back yard.
Walter, already frustrated with the time I take in selecting the proper troop to accompany me to the back door every morning [so much for delayed gratification!], does not have the patience to wait even longer for me to traverse this extra distance. Not to mention, I keep forgetting where they placed the basket, which leaves me momentarily confused, adding unnecessary seconds onto a preciously limited amount of time.
For now, I will have to work with what I have been given and hope they forget LOUD Mom’s plan to downsize my brigade. I suspect the Joint Chiefs would not take kindly to any hint of displeasure with their highly anticipated decision.