The Battle of Bull(y) Run

carol-05_profile-circleMy brother, Walter, is one strange bird interviewing himself like that [click here if you missed his guest blog post]. But I suppose that should come as no surprise. Our neighbor, Baby Girl, is still working with my sister, Ethel, on this whole meditation thing. I think she should just give up, but Baby Girl says, “Winners never quit, and quitters never win.” Where does she come up with this stuff?! She’s just SO smart.

The problem is that Ethel now insists that she must meditate in our person that’s away at college [but home for the summer]’s bedroom. Alone. All of the time. Ethel says the room has the best natural daylight and most spirit lifting colors. According to Ethel, our person that’s away at college has given her full, private access to the room.

Ethel on her

Ethel on her “meditation pillow.” Meanwhile, I’m stuck sleeping on the bathroom vent.

Maybe it’s true. Ever since our person came home, I noticed Ethel buttering her up. She follows our person everywhere. If our person goes to the bathroom, Ethel sits outside the door. When our person makes herself lunch, Ethel’s at her feet in the kitchen. At dinnertime, Ethel sits across the room and fixedly stares at her. As soon as our person’s back upstairs in her bedroom, Ethel thunk-thunk-thunks her way up the stairs and shows up in the doorway meowing. ethel-ourperson-feet But what’s strange is that I notice our person rolling her eyes at Ethel and saying things like, “Why are you following me?!”, “Are you in my room AGAIN?!”, and “Stop staring at me – it’s creepy!” This is all very irritating, though, because our person’s room is MY favorite place to observe the neighborhood – and I CAN’T GET IN THERE. Since our person is away at college most of the year and keeps her door closed, this summer is my ONLY chance!

bedroom-door

Our view of her room 75% of the year.

I already have to fight with Walter for access to the room. He claims that HE’S our person that’s away at college’s favorite, so only he should get to be in her room. Unlike Ethel, however, Walter’s a pushover and I can usually convince him to share a pillow with me.

carol-walter-bedroom-happy

Walter and I sharing a pillow in our person’s room.

I must figure out a way to keep Ethel out of our person’s bedroom – but I’m going to need help. First I approached my brother, Steve. All he has to do is look at Ethel and she gets mad. Maybe he could re-enact the scene that got our moms away from the computer – you know, charge Ethel and pounce on her. Heck, he could just lay in the doorway to our person’s room and Ethel wouldn’t step over him. Plus, that takes zero effort on Steve’s part [you know how lazy he can be]. But when I asked for Steve’s help, all he wanted to talk about was his supposed stint as the next Bachelor. He was trying to decide if he should wear some of Ethel’s costumeslet Eggnog style him, or go back to his trusty leather outfit since that one seems popular with the fellas on POF [Plenty of Felines]. steve-bachelor-outfits I don’t have time for Steve’s delusions of grandeur, as Walter calls them. Next I asked Eggnog if she would consider relocating her cache of stolen chewies to the bottom of the steps. eggnog-sherman-chewy If we could barricade the staircase, Ethel couldn’t get upstairs to go in our person’s room! I was proud of myself for that idea! But Eggnog said that Sherman and Walter would just take the chewies if she kept them out in the open. She apparently has no choice but to cache them in her bed.

Eggnog_cache

Eggnog guarding her recently raided cache.

Eggnog suggested that I talk to Sherman [aka The General]. Perhaps he could deploy his troops? What an excellent idea! I cautiously approached The General. [One false move and it turns into a not-so-fun game of chase.] He grunted as he lifted his head from one of his troops. sherman-troop-sofa I explained the situation and asked if he would be so kind as to volunteer his troops to guard the border to the upstairs. With such a large cavalry, they could certainly keep Ethel out. The General jumped down from the sofa and ambled toward the stairs. He looked up, then back at his troop basket. After giving several minutes of consideration to my request, The General agreed, but not without hesitation. He indicated that he would locate the bulk of his forces at the bottom of the staircase. Then he would station the remainder strategically along the steps. The General’s primary concern was that Ethel will attempt to climb over the frontline soldiers, potentially crushing them with her sagging gut – not unlike Godzilla ravaging Tokyo.

I put my money on Ethel.

I put my money on Ethel.

Secondarily, he worried that if Ethel makes it past the frontlines, she may trip on the strategically stationed troops, rolling down the stairs, and maiming everyone in her path. floorplan-troops-ethel-carnage Given that recruitment is down [i.e., our moms told The General he already has too many toys – sorry, I mean troops – and doesn’t need more], Sherman claims his forces cannot afford to sustain any losses. Nonetheless, The General agreed to provide assistance. He said his troops could use an exercise like this – he’s concerned that without such paws-on experience they’ll get soft. So we’re off to strategize and see if we can get any of the others on board. Wish us luck!

24 thoughts on “The Battle of Bull(y) Run

  1. Carol, you may think Baby Girl is SO smart, but you are, too! Your plan is excellent. I hope there will be no carnage, but with Sherman willing to work with you, I think you will be just fine. Your person is onto Ethel, already…. Oh, and the Ethel/Godzilla resemblance is amazing!

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  2. This is a very workable plan. The Troops strategically placed on the stairs, etc……I do have one concern, however, and that is that a human purrson could be half-asleep and traveling on the staircase at night in a “low light” situation and maybe trip over the troops which would lead to a significantly LARGER patch of “carnage” as illustrated in your drawing. It bears consideration…….keeping Ethel at bay vs. additional carnage – food for thought?? I think maybe so!

    Hugs, Sammy

    Liked by 4 people

    • And I thought Baby Girl was smart!! Thank you for the warning, Sammy! We’ll be sure to implement our plan while no one is home. Phew, we dodged a bullet there 😉

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  3. It’s good to see that you have involved the General as that has given him PURPOSE. Useful alliances can now be forged for the future if needed. Was Ethel ever a nice lady, or is this the Ethel you have always lived with? She must be going through so many internal struggles to be such a hateful and demanding feline. I am sad for all of you Carol, including Ethel as she continues to drive a wedge between this family.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Hi, Deb! Sorry for the delay. It’s been a little crazy around here 🙂 From what I hear my moms saying, Ethel has always been a little… challenging. But I think she’s become more demanding with age! Ethel’s only 15, so heaven help us if she lives to be as old as Violet, who turns 19 this month!!!

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  4. Strategic planning…I like that in an animal. But, I’m thanking God now that my puppy seems to be entertained by a leaf in the yard…I don’t think she’s got any big plans for domination.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Purrsideon can open any door that isn’t locked, so I initially thought that your special person’s door was locked and that was the issue. Since it is only closed, I shall try to encourage her to share her tricks with handles with you. I have never seen her open a door, but assume she uses her paws.

    Saphera (dog) can open all sorts of things – even bottles of water – and I know that she uses her mouth… despite her being a dog, I suspect in some previous life she was a cat burglar.
    That all said, it is good to see you and the General collaborating on a mission – best of luck with that.

    Liked by 1 person

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