A Tribute to My Troops

Sherman-01_profileHello, this is The General. If you’ve followed recent events here, you’re aware of the valiant effort my troops sustained to keep my sister, Ethel, out of our person that’s away at college’s bedroom. You also know that their effort was for naught thanks to human intervention [i.e., LOUD Mom carrying Ethel to the room herself]. In thanks for their selflessness, Carol asked me to dedicate a guest blog post to my troops. 

I would like to introduce to you some of the bravest soldiers amongst my ranks. Their sacrifice and bravery in the face of a formidable foe [i.e., Ethel] are remarkable.

Sergeant Dan

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Sergeant Dan suffered the most serious injuries in The Siege at Creekview Drive, as Ethel flailed on top of him, her flabby gut crushing him with each twist and turn.

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Poor Sgt. Dan!

This, however, was not the worst that Sgt. Dan has endured during his long career.

Sergeant Dan began his life in China. Confined to a box, shipped across the ocean, he found himself hanging from a string embedded in his head in a place called PetSmart. There he remained, day in and day out, until my moms “rescued” him.

troop-bio_frog-tag

Relic of the abuse Sergeant Dan endured as a Prisoner of PetSmart [P.O.P.].

When Sgt. Dan arrived at our house, I was concerned for his mental health and his physical fitness. I knew a place in The Army of Creekview Drive was just what the doctor ordered!

Though he still suffers flashbacks and occasionally overwhelming survivor guilt for the buddies left behind at PetSmart, Sergeant Dan is doing remarkably well. He’s a hard worker and one of my most reliable soldiers.

Favorite TV Show: Three’s Company

The Chipmunks

Walter got to one of these chipmunks before Ethel. Now all the fellas call him Van Gogh.

Walter got to one of these chipmunks before Ethel. Now all the fellas call him Vincent.

After being evicted from their home – The Stump – by Eggnog, the chipmunks found themselves orphaned and homeless.

eggnog-stump

Concerned for their well-being, I considered contacting Chipmunk Protective Services [CPS], but worried they’d become lost in a bureaucratic abyss. That’s when I decided to give them a place in The Army of Creekview Drive. Though they’re young and restless and require significant supervision, watching these little chipmunks grow into mature, disciplined soldiers is one of the great joys of my career.

Favorite Movie: Star Trek First Contact (they think the Borg are very cool)

Colonel Levi Sanders

troop-bio_chicken

Colonel Sanders (no relation to the perpetrator of the ongoing international poultry genocide) is an old Army buddy of mine. Sanders retired years ago, but continues to be my most trusted advisor (when he’s not three sheets to the wind).

If you want to be entertained, sit down with Colonel Sanders for a few minutes and he’ll regale you with stories. From rescuing injured unstuffed soldiers on the frontlines to doing the tango with a rubber alligator in a Havana cafe to stealthily smuggling chewies away from Eggnog’s bed, one thing Colonel Sanders is not: A chicken.

Favorite Food: Willett Bourbon
Second Favorite Food: Bulleit Bourbon

Lieutenant Grigori Novak

troop-bio_duck

My only experienced pilot, Lt. Novak has migrated around the world. He came to us by way of a canvas bag frequently inhabited by my brother, Steve.

Novak is one of the most selfless soldiers I’ve ever met. He’s taken the chipmunks under his wing, serving as their mentor and surrogate father. When Novak learned about the abuses Sergeant Dan endured, he became an advocate for Prisoners of PetSmart [P.O.P.] and is actively involved in outreach efforts and rescue missions. I wish I had a hundred more Lieutenant Novaks in my ranks.

Favorite TV Channel: The Food Network (except when preparing duck dishes)

Rick

troop-bio_dino

Rick aspires to be admitted to the ranks of The Army of Creekview Drive, and after the bravery he demonstrated, rushing down the stairs to the aid of Sergeant Dan as he was being crushed by Ethel, he just may get his wish.

Rick’s a hometown dinosaur, and some of my other soldiers harass him for that, saying he’s nothing but a country bumpkin. They brag to him about the battles they’ve seen and the places they’ve been, but the only place Rick’s been is a hollow in Eastern Kentucky. I see promise in Rick and think he’d be a great asset to my brigade.

Favorite Color: Orange

Thank you for reading this tribute to my troops. Your support is invaluable in maintaining the morale of my men!*


* Please note, I would like to address any accusations of misogyny that may be raised against me for having an all-male battalion. Rest assured, the absence of females is coincidental and not reflective of a male-centric bias on my part. I am actively recruiting female infantry, artillery, and cavalry experts. Interested parties please respond below. Thank you.

25 thoughts on “A Tribute to My Troops

  1. Sherman, how totally selfless of you to give so much credit to your troops. It has been a true honor to learn about each and every one of them. Please let Sgt Dan know that there is a PetSmart right around the corner from where I work. I will make it my mission to head over there tomorrow afternoon and liberate all those other POPs by personally unhanging them. Who knew?! Carry on, General. You are doing a fine job.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. General, I am truly flabbergasted at the depth of selfless devotion your troops have shown under your command. I am especially glad to know that Sgt. Dan is doing as well as can be expected. The pictures Carol posted of the skirmish were very difficult to look at as Ethel fought and flailed. These brave troops should all be honored for their heroism and loyalty.

    Liked by 4 people

    • Oh, thank you, Deb. Your kind words mean so much. Sergeant Dan is recovering well and hopes to return to action soon. Hopefully not too soon, though. My fellas need a break!

      Like

  3. What an honor to meet the tireless and bloodied soldiers who bravely stood their ground in the Battle of Ethel which was waged on the staircase……in spite of Ethel’s flab, they didn’t fail you – Loud Mom turned out to be your worst enemy in aiding Ethel’s siege of the forbidden bedroom. I think the troops need a long rest (and better bandaging) – purrhaps a bit of R&R is in order as well?

    Hugs and salutes, Sammy

    Liked by 2 people

    • Yes, sir! A long rest is exactly what the troops need! They can hold their heads high knowing they put forth such a valiant effort. I’m very proud! They deserve a good rest. I believe I’m due for one myself! Thanks for visiting, my friend!

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  4. General, I am very pleased to meet your troops. You are a fine leader.

    I had no idea that LOUD Mom had a history of rescuing ‘underdogs’ (a.k.a. P.O.P. hostages), but knowing that does make her support of Ethel more understandable. I have never patronized Pet Smart, but will look into ways to help liberate these hostages, now that I know they exist.

    Liked by 3 people

    • That’s a good point you raise about LOUD Mom – she has a big heart. She definitely means well. Heck, Ethel has all of our humans fooled! Ethel may have one this battle, but I have confidence that Carol will prevail. She’s a sharp one, especially for a cat!

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  5. Sherman – what a lovely tribute to your troops. I’m really impressed with these soldiers and it’s obvious that they are dedicated to you, their leader. I’m sorry about the recent debacle but it sounds as though they put up a brave fight. Best of luck in recruiting some female soldiers. Have you seen GI Jane?

    Liked by 1 person

    • My soldiers are the best! I couldn’t be more proud of their bravery and sacrifice. And thank you for your support in my recruitment of female troops. I’m not familiar with GI Jane. Is she any relation to GI Joe? He’s the cousin of one of my soldiers – Gary. I’ll see if I can track down this Jane gal, thanks!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. General, I heartily thank you for this moving and illuminating introduction to your brave troops. The Lady says She is thankful as well because She was feeling rather down, and your post made Her laugh. I do not understand why such a heartfelt and sombre tribute would cause such a reaction, but She assures me her gratitude is sincere.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. What a wonderful story of bravery and selflessness! Here, too, Holly rescued several squirrels left in a tree stump. They look just like yours! Isn’t that odd? I wonder if they are related? Interestingly enough we too have a mallard duck. Sadly, he lost his “honk” when guarding the yard. He was run over by the lawn care worker’s lawn mower. Now he is “honkless”. Very sad. Please take care of yourself and your troops. This sounds like it will be an exhausting summer! So proud of you all!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ran over by the lawn mower?! How terrible!!! I hope he was honorably discharged from service and receives good benefits.

      And how strange that Holly has a stump and squirrels? They MUST be related. I’ll let my boys know they have cousins out there!

      Thanks for visiting and please give Holly my hellos!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Absolutely he was honorably discharged! He spends his days sleeping indoors in the cool air conditioning now. Unless, of course, Holly asks him to join her outside. Holly used to have five squirrels, but two of them decided to go out on their own, so we have three now who, fortunately, seem quite happy to stay here. We get letters from the other two and they seem to be doing well. Holly gives an enthusiastic hello!

        Liked by 1 person

  8. Pingback: Saving Colonel Sanders | creekviewcarol

  9. Pingback: The Great Debate | creekviewcarol

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