Finally, the recognition that I deserve.
Hello. My name is Lou and I work for a company called Procter & Gamble. I found you through your sister Carol’s delightful blog! You are very fortunate that Carol so generously includes you in her informative and thought-provoking observational reports. But enough about Carol’s entertaining and award-winning blog. Let’s talk about YOU!
Procter & Gamble makes a line of cleaning products called Swiffer. Perhaps you have heard of them? Maybe your moms use a Swiffer mop?
In order to stay on top of our competitors, Procter & Gamble is constantly creating new technologies to improve our customers’ lives. Recently, our Research and Development division came up with a prototype for a Feline Swiffer ®. And that’s where you come in!
We at Procter & Gamble think you, Ethel, are just the cat to test this product! You see, this new Feline Swiffer makes cleaning a snap for your moms and takes virtually no effort on your part. That’s right – NO effort! You do nothing, yet get to be the star of the household!
Let me explain. When the furry beasts go outside, they come back in the house with filthy paws, tracking dirt all over your pretty hardwood floors. Then your brother, Steve, gets in the litter box and tracks dust around YOUR bedroom. Horrible!
All of this means that your moms have to take time out of their busy schedules – time that could be spent petting you – to mop. Or do they? With the new Feline Swiffer, your moms dress you in a stylish Feline Swiffer “wrap” and your tempting tummy cleans the floors as you walk. Yes, your dragging belly picks up all that dust and dirt, shining the hardwood floors as you move from room to room. Virtually no extra work for you, and your moms will hail you as the household hero!
If you agree to work with us at Procter & Gamble, you will receive all the yummy hypoallergenic treats you can eat and a bed even more luxurious than your sister, Violet’s. Maybe we can work something out to get your brother, Steve, relocated. No promises, but we’ll try. And I almost forgot to mention that we will use you in all of our advertising – television, print, and radio. We hear you have an amazing singing voice!
All you have to do is agree to wear our fashionable Feline Swiffer wraps around the house – oh, and stay on the first floor. You cannot – I repeat, CANNOT – wear the Feline Swiffer fashion wrap upstairs. To ensure reliable results for our testing, you must remain on the first floor and STAY OUT of your person that’s away at college [but home for the summer]’s bedroom. But that shouldn’t be any trouble, right? Just imagine how wonderful it will be when the world gets to hear you sing the jingle for the new Feline Swiffer!
Thank you for your consideration, Ethel. We look forward to hearing from you!