Fair and Balanced

carol-05_profile-circleWalter and The General are in the middle of what are turning out to be some messy negotiations with the Springhill Ballers. The fellas want to engage the Ballers in their effort to rid our yard of its seedy squirrel element. But the Ballers have a lot of demands that I don’t think the boys can meet, including providing fresh salmon for their annual gangsta picnic (our moms don’t even eat seafood, so how are they going to get their paws on that?!) and meeting 50 Cent in person (even Eggnog doesn’t talk to him anymore – she says he’s not as “relevant” as he once was). I guess time will tell.

The General has taken to watching quite a lot of news lately. I thought he was sleeping with the television on, but he claims he’s just resting his eyes. [His eyes may be resting, but his lungs aren’t – what a snore!]

Not as quiet as he looks.

Also not as quiet as he looks.

The General said he hopes that by learning how humans handle their crises, he’ll be able to develop some alternative strategies with regard to defending our territory here at home.

Walter warned The General that humans have a terrible history of handling their own affairs. He said that of all canines, The General should know this. After all, he’s named after General Sherman, one of the greatest Generals of the American Civil War – a four-year war in which more than 600,000 humans and over 1.5 million horses died. Do you really want to seek guidance from a species that causes such destruction, Walter asked.

THE General Sherman and Our General Sherman

They practically have the same beards! If our General could shed a few pounds, I think the resemblance would be even more striking!!

But The General disagreed. He said humans sent a man to the moon and built the pyramids. To which Walter reminded Sherman that the pyramids were built by enslaved peoples – strike two against humanity. But Sherman countered that humans also developed democracy – and invented peanut butter. Walter conceded on that final point. [Who doesn’t love peanut butter?!]

Democracy is fraught with choices.

Democracy is fraught with choices. Walter says that, even in his wildest dreams, John Locke never could have imagined this. Whoever that is.

This discussion got me thinking. The other day when The General was “watching” the news, I heard the newscasters talking about hosting an upcoming debate for presidential candidates. Listening to the boys bantering, I thought to myself, We may not have any presidential candidates, but wouldn’t it be fun to host a debate anyway?

When I suggested this to the fellas, The General enthusiastically agreed. Poor Walter didn’t seem too keen on the idea, but relented nonetheless. I told them that I have just two requirements: 1) I get to write all of the questions and moderate the debate and 2) Baby Girl gets to participate. Baby Girl is just SO smart! Plus we need female representation (and I’m not so mad anymore that Steve gave her my blog password).

They protested that three participants was too many and would make the debate chaotic. I assured them that three was nothing – from what I’ve heard some very reputable debates host as many as TEN participants. Three should be a piece of cake!!

In the end the boys agreed, so I’d better get going and start doing my research. I have a lot of questions to write! Oh, and I’d better start watching for Baby Girl out the window. She’s going to be so excited!!

P.S. If you have questions you’d like to submit for my consideration, please share them below!

20 thoughts on “Fair and Balanced

  1. Thankfully Carol it sounds like the squirrel issue/involvement of the Ballers may just be self-correcting as meeting those demands looks like an impossible task. Ingenious idea with the debate, although your cleverness doesn’t surprise me at all. Too bad you don’t have the financial/technical means to televise the event. Your ratings would skyrocket…but that may also set up a ‘situation’ with Ethel wanting screen time so….
    Are you open on the call for questions or sticking to a specific theme/discussion of ideology?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Why, thank you, Deb! I hadn’t contemplated pitching my debate idea to the media, but I’m afraid you’re right about Ethel demanding airtime. Maybe she’d settle for product placement – the Feline Swiffer could be our sponsor!

      As for questions, I’m open. I plan on addressing a broad range of current political subjects in order to appeal to a wide audience (and to keep the participants on their toes!). I hope the boys and Baby Girl read this and are studying up now!!

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  2. Good luck with the squirrel issue! IMHO, they invade your yard for a reason, take the reason they come away and there would not be a reason to involve the gagster element. I assume they come for the bird feeder, therefore, the two obvious options are either squirrel-proof the feeder or make the bird seen unpalatable to squirrels.
    Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you! It’s not only the boys waging war against the squirrels — LOUD Mom is in a battle of wits with those varmints! Just when she thinks she’s outsmarted them, they one up her!! She’s a pretty smart cookie, so I place better odds on her prevailing than on the fellas! 😛

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  3. Gosh – a debate – now that will truly be interesting! Don’t count on 50 Cent being at any get together unless he shows up looking for food as I hear he declared bankruptcy recently. Anyway, if we can come up with an earthshattering (or even semi-shattering) question for the debate we’ll let you know!

    Hugs, Sammy

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bankruptcy? Poor 50 Cent. Eggnog said such a fate befalls many musicians and sports stars and that she’s lucky she had a trustworthy financial planner. I still can’t figure out where she stashed her earnings. And, yes, if you come up with a question, please submit it! Any topic is up for grabs!! 🙂 Thanks for visiting!

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  4. I was wondering where you find reduced fat peanut butter for only $1.99! I am a fan of JIF reduced fat crunchy and pay almost $3! Oh, this is not the kind of question you had in mind, is it? Carol, you have this all under control. Your talents never cease to amaze me.

    Liked by 1 person

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