The Great Debate

Hello. For those of you that don’t know me, my name is Carol. I’m a cat and this is my blog. Tonight I am moderating a debate between my brothers, Walter and Sherman [aka The General], and our outside neighbor cat [and my personal mentor], Baby Girl. My sister, Eggnog, has graciously agreed to transcribe the debate, so it’s airing nearly Live!

debate-participants

After drawing twigs, the order was determined to be The General, Walter, and Baby Girl. I asked all of my participants to keep the discussion polite and respectful. After all, this is a family blog (and we’re having to do this quietly in the sun room so our moms don’t find out that I’ve let Baby Girl into the house).

Thank you for joining us… let’s get started!

CAROL: In 2012 the human President joked about protecting homeland borders with alligators and a moat. One of the candidates loved the idea, but also suggested adding a 20-foot barbed wire electrified fence. We have a fence around our yard, but it’s not electrified and I don’t even know what barbed wire is. How would you make our homeland more secure here on Creekview Drive?

SHERMAN: Hmm. Electrifying our fence isn’t a bad idea. Squirrels run along the top of the fence where Walter and I can’t reach them. I say let’s force them to the ground where we have a fighting chance! And while I think alligators are an unnecessary risk [besides, I don’t think our moms would let them stay], a moat couldn’t hurt. I would also station my troops at strategic locations around the perimeter of our territory and set up a “No Fly Zone” over our airspace. LOUD Mom would probably appreciate me keeping the starlings and grackles away!

WALTER: Unfortunately, General, you’d also be keeping all of the other birds away, which LOUD Mom would NOT appreciate. And a fence isn’t going to protect our land from that pesky mole that’s tunneling through our yard. No, what we need to do is build alliances. Our negotiations with the Springhill Ballers are a good start.

mole

BABY GIRL: All this talk about fences and keeping creatures out rather than inviting everyone in saddens me. There should be no borders, no fences. We all should roam free, BE free. Free to explore our place in this miraculous universe we call home.

SHERMAN: Free to annoy us maybe…I tell you, if she ever tries to squeeze me into one of her patented “Rebirthing blankets” again, I’ll….

rebirthing_sherman

An unimpressed Sherman during Baby Girl’s Rebirthing Exercise. He gets mad when I say he looks sausage-y.

CAROL: Thank you, General, I think we get the idea, and please do not decry Baby Girl’s motivations to help us. She told me just the other day that our sister, Ethel, has been doing breathing exercises that she prescribed and, as a direct result, Ethel’s not as angry at our brother, Steve, anymore — or at least she’s not mad at him not right now.

Okay, next question. If our homeland is attacked by foreign cats and dogs, how would you protect Creekview Drive from these invading forces?

SHERMAN: I would mobilize my troops, which are always at the ready. And by the way, for those of you who were worried about Colonel Sanders, he’s on the mend. It’s going to take more than a cat’s flabby gut-curtain to crush a seasoned military bird like him!

ethel-hostage-sanders

The 2015 Hostage Crisis on Creekview Drive. Ethel eventually released the Colonel and he sustained only minor injuries.

WALTER: How would I ward off invaders? That’s easy: Send Ethel outside to sing for them. I anticipate an immediate retreat.

SHERMAN: On second thought, I like Walter’s plan.

Be thankful there's no sound.

Be thankful there’s no sound.

BABY GIRL:  I don’t like all of this talk about fighting and war. We need more peace and light in this world. Invite the invaders in, offer them salmon, peanut butter, and water sprinkled with my new herbal remedy, available for sale online this Fall: “Baby Girl’s All-Natural, Organic, Gluten-Free, Non-GMO, Quantum Detangling Whole Health Remedies.” Only through peaceful dialogue can we see our shared sacredness.

SHERMAN: See, it’s cats like her that get us into these messes in the first place. Organic, gluten free… Makes us look weak. I tell ya, give me a chewy anytime. A real dog’s meal.

WALTER: General, we’re talking about enemy forces, remember? Not your beloved chewies.

CAROL: Okay, moving on… Do you think all of us cats and dogs (and any other household animals) have an inherent right to see the vet?

SHERMAN: Inherent right? Absolutely not. Even my soldiers fend for themselves, bandaging their own wounds on the battlefield. Toughens them up!

troop-bio_squirrels

CAROL: But, General, don’t you yourself take special supplements and receive regular medical supervision for an old leg injury? Wouldn’t you like others to get such thoughtful care?

SHERMAN: What does that have to do with anything?

CAROL: Okay, well, Walter, what do you think about veterinary care for all?

WALTER: Yes, Carol, I think every cat and dog has a right to FREE medical care [subsidized by our humans, of course]. Like The General, I benefit from excellent veterinary care. I get monthly heartworm medication and flea treatment in addition to daily vitamin supplements and… well, you get the idea.

SHERMAN: And Prozac. Walter gets Prozac smooshed in cheddar cheese. Little Mom says I can’t have any cheese because I’m on a diet. Not even a tiny bite.

WALTER: Thanks for that, General.

Poor Sherman.

Poor Sherman.

CAROL: Okay, things are getting a little out of paw here. What about you, Baby Girl?

BABY GIRL: First, Walter, you should try my new herbal supplement for your anxiety. It’s all natural and comes in 23 flavors. Combined with quantum biofeedback to reduce stressors in your body on an electro-magnetic level, you will feel better than ever. I also suggest breathing exercises – your breath provides basic life force energy. Do you even know how to breathe, Walter?! To answer your question, though, Carol, medicine is a racket. What we need is access to homeopathic remedies, particularly some of the new treatments and cures I have coming out this Fall in my new line, “Baby Girl’s All-Natural, Organic, Gluten-Free, Non-GMO, Quantum Detangling Whole Health Remedies.”

SHERMAN: Oh, brother….

baby-girl-remedy

CAROL: Many of our youth are hooked on catnip, joining gangs, and having kittens and puppies while they’re still kittens and puppies. They are our future. What can we do to stop the cycle?

SHERMAN: Force them all to enlist in my army for at least two years. Builds character and stops the funny business.

WALTER: Forcing our youth to enlist doesn’t resolve the socioeconomic underpinnings that create these problems, General. For starters, we need to get more of our youth fixed. That’ll solve the problem of babies having babies [and reduce the numbers that enter shelters!]. We also need to make sure everyone has a purpose. Whether that’s to brighten your humans’ day, protect a flock of sheep, or keep mice from nesting in the house, we all feel better about ourselves when we work to earn our keep!

carol-lap

I more than earn my keep. I’m an excellent cuddler, plus I’m VERY good at making observations and reporting them in an unbiased manner.

BABY GIRL: If everyone would just listen to the wisdom I share, based on the teachings of my all-knowing guru Gwyneth Paltrow, we wouldn’t have catnip abuse, gang violence, or unwanted kittens and puppies. Oh, and did I mention my new line of herbal treatments that will be available online this Fall? “Baby Girl’s All-Natural, Organic, Gluten-Free, Non-GMO, Quantum Detangling Whole Health Remedies.”

CAROL: Yes, but thank you for the reminder, Baby Girl! Last question. It’s a well-known fact that some pets in this household receive treats, while others do not. What do you propose to create a more fair system where there are treats for all?

SHERMAN: There’s no treat problem. I get plenty of chewies and even get a taste of peanut butter in my kong every night at bedtime.

WALTER: Yes, we dogs get lots of treats, Carol. I have no idea what you’re talking about.

Notice what's missing here.

Notice what’s missing here. [And notice what’s there.]

BABY GIRL: Carol, you must reward yourself from within. Relying on external validation will leave you empty inside. Only spiritual nourishment, not Greenies, truly feeds your body AND soul.

CAROL: You’re SO smart, Baby Girl! Okay, thank you, participants. This has been a very insightful discussion. Wait a minute. What’s going on out there? Are those protestors???? Eggnog, stop typing. You’ve got to see this!

40 thoughts on “The Great Debate

  1. I am glad Walter knows about spaying and neutering to stop the shelter tragedies….I like the General’s idea about having his troops patrol….Baby Girl is into self-promotion……all in all, a good debate.

    Liked by 4 people

    • Thank you! I think everyone did very well, though Walter may have had a slight edge because he was more balanced and thoughtful in his answers. Or at least that’s what Violet told me. She’s old and wise.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. The only thing that could possibly have enhanced this debate Carol, and it was outstanding and so very informative by the way, would have been directing an invitation to the Human Donald Trump to be a participant. His private airplane may have been a bit too large to park on your lawn though.

    Liked by 4 people

    • Maybe I will invite Mr. Trump if I host another debate! I’ll have to warn him, however, that landing a plane in our yard would be quite risky due the recent increase in mole activity. That and a plane in the backyard would probably make our moms pretty mad.

      Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you! And I’m going to find a way to get your message to our moms (or, as The General calls them, the Joint Chiefs). The treat situation is intolerable! (And more massages can never hurt!!)

      Like

  3. Mom and I enjoyed your debate a lot more than the one on TV last night. It was certainly more entertaining. As the political season moves on, I hope there will be more debates! I think Ethel should be in the next one – she deserves to have her say as well!! Love, LadyBird

    Liked by 3 people

    • Uh-oh, now you’ve done it. Ethel saw your comment and has been gnawing my ear off all weekend about how our debate was too exclusive and should have been open to more participants, that “the people” want to hear her. She’s already talking about how the next one should be called, “The Great Debate: The Musical.” I need a nap.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. You certainly did a fine job of moderating! Other than the blatant self-promotion Baby Girl tossed about at every opportunity, everyone stayed “on point” and had some interesting points to make. I’m still on the fence (so please don’t electrify it YET) so will look forward to subsequent debates before coming to any conclusions. I am a conservative kind of guy…(except when I don’t get my way of course).

    Bravo……………
    Hugs, Sammy

    Liked by 3 people

    • Hahaha, Sammy! No worries about the fence. The fellas can’t even figure out that the mail carrier isn’t our mortal enemy; I don’t think they’ll be electrifying our fence any time soon!! 😛

      I’ve already had several requests for a follow-up debate, so maybe I’ll do this again. It was a lot of work, though! And now that someone asked Ethel to be in the next one, she’s harassing me to include her. The thought kind of scares me! Thanks for visiting!!

      Like

  5. Excellent debate! Particularly liked the plan to have Ethel sing to invaders. Also, believe both cats and dogs deserve treats. Liked many of Baby Girl’s views, but do you realize how self-centerd she actually is and how she was trying to turn your debate into an advertisement for her products?

    Liked by 1 person

  6. OMG Carol! You did an outstanding job on this debate. The well-thought questions and photos of the candidates – so much content and I only wish that this debate was televised last night instead of the debate that was shown. What a difference! And as a commentator, may I say that you were great at keeping the flow on point, holding them accountable for answers and decorum. Just excellent but of course, you’ve set the bar pretty high. As always, I am a huge fan of your blog. Simply delightful!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much! You are too kind. I’m so glad you enjoyed the debate! I’ve had several requests for more, but we’ll see.

      I’m sure my ratings weren’t as high as that other debate that was on television, but maybe I’ll beat them next time! Perhaps I should consider including Ethel as some have requested. Humans do like having someone in there to mix things up. I’m just worried I’ll lose all control — she’s a bit of a loose cannon!!

      Like

  7. Pingback: Buttering Up | creekviewcarol

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