Buttering Up

My apologies for cutting my last post off so quickly – I’m afraid things got a little out of control. You see, just as I was thanking my guests for their participation in my debate, I heard a scuffle in the kitchen. Following the noise, my eyes caught sight of a blur of black and white. Was that my brother, Steve? And what was that around his neck?!

Sure enough, looking more closely, there was Steve parading around on the other side of the door with a sign around his neck:

steve-postdebate-protest

Coming up behind him was my sister, Ethel, with her own sign:

ethel-postdebate-protest

Seriously? My own siblings were protesting MY debate?!

Walking toward them, I nudged the door to the kitchen open with my nose to ask what was wrong. Steve started going on and on about how his creatine shakes have been diluted, causing his abs to turn soft and squishy. Now the fellas in the Springhill Ballers don’t take him seriously, and he hasn’t had a “Wink” on Plenty of Felines in weeks. I told him his abs are soft and squishy because he spends his days laying around! Drinking gallons of creatine shakes between naps is not going to create good abs. Besides, what do his abs have to do with my debate?!

As requested, elizabetcetera. You're welcome :-)

As requested, elizabetcetera. You’re welcome 🙂

Of course it was hard to talk to Steve over my sister, Ethel, screaming in my ear. Ethel claimed that she was unfairly excluded from my debate based on meaningless, subjective standards. Huh? Ethel doesn’t talk like that! Who had she been talking to? I had an idea…

The eyes say it all.

The eyes say it all.

Glancing back in the sunroom, I saw my brother, Walter, cowering on the sofa with his ears back and his tail between his legs. Guilty as charged!

Just as I was about to take Walter to task, The General spotted a squirrel taunting him from the window, and all hell broke loose. He and Walter ran back and forth barking orders for the squirrel to retreat. Of course the squirrel was no dummy – he knew they couldn’t get to him from inside – so he looked right at them, grabbed another sunflower seed, and started chewing.

Well, that really got the boys going!

smug-squirrel

So smug.

Fearful that our moms would hear the commotion and catch my guest participant [and neighbor/mentor] Baby Girl in our house, I tried to usher her out. But the boys decided they wanted to use my top secret door to get outside to the squirrel. What a TERRIBLE idea!!! I tried to beat them to the door, but The General barreled past us… and got stuck. STUCK!

My apologies. Image of The General stuck could not be shown for reasons of confidentiality [i.e., we don't want our moms to know our secret entrance].

My apologies. An image of The General stuck could not be shown for privacy reasons [i.e., we don’t want our moms to know our secret entrance].

Now what?! Soon enough our moms would be coming – and not only would they catch Baby Girl in the house, but they’d learn how I got her inside and make it so we could never use our secret entrance again! No more Rebirthing exercises with Baby Girl, no more rendezvousing with the Springhill Ballers for Steve. This was no good. We had to get The General unstuck! And FAST!!!

While Baby Girl chanted in Sanskrit in the corner counting her meditation beads, I eyed the sunroom for something – ANYTHING – that we could use to get The General out. That’s when I saw a tub of bark butter that LOUD Mom feeds the woodpeckers. [Even the woodpeckers get treats! The injustice!]

Just look at all the treats the BIRDS get! So unfair.

Just look at all the treats the BIRDS get! The world can be so unfair.

I instructed Walter – who by now was cowering in the corner, afraid of getting in trouble – to fetch the bark butter for me. Snapping out of his neurotic stupor, Walter dragged the tub over to me and I began to smear it all over The General’s generous girth.

Instinctively, I knew pushing would be easier than pulling, so I told Walter, Steve, and Ethel to PUSH on the count of three. One… two… three!!!

Nothing.

I smeared more bark butter and gave another count. One… two… THREE!

And out he went. Phew!

Next I guided Baby Girl, who was still chanting, out of the house as well. Just then I heard Little Mom’s footsteps in the kitchen, coming toward the sunroom where we were all panting, exhausted. Look busy! I meowed. All of us scattered in different directions as Little Mom appeared in the doorway.

littlemom-postdebate-doorway

“What was all of that noise about?!” she asked no one in particular. Ethel started screaming obscenities at Little Mom  about what she allows to happen in this house, most particularly the injustice SHE suffers, but thankfully Little Mom couldn’t translate the meows into human language and just petted her head and asked if she was hungry.

Little Mom then walked into the sunroom and glanced around. Seemingly satisfied that nothing was out of the ordinary, she headed back toward the kitchen. And then something outside caught her eye.

sherman-barkbutter2

“How’d you get outside, Sherman? And what is that all over you?!”

33 thoughts on “Buttering Up

  1. There was me thinking ‘The Generals’ photo had been retracted because the privacy reasons revolved around a disproportionately sized rear, which obviously no one in their right mind needs to see LOL

    Liked by 4 people

    • Yes, safe so far! And a good question about The General’s troops. The photo shows where our moms force him to abandon his soldiers before exiting another door to the backyard. Sometimes he sneaks one past them, but he doesn’t get far before he’s caught. I would say our moms don’t miss much, but…

      Like

    • Thank you! I would say no to more debates, but I’ve had several inquiries from interested parties. One candidate even offered, if elected, to secure a position for The General as Secretary of Defense! If the candidate was smart, she would have offered a position to me as well! 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Brilliant move on your part with the butter…..but with all the issues that ensued after the debate, will you forego scheduling a “re-match” to keep the peace around there – picket lines and rows of troops and butter flying everywhere…..maybe it’s time to retire from debate management?????

    Hugs, Sammy

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Jacques wanted me to be sure to tell you that he is incredibly impressed by your quick thinking and by the General’s “go get ’em” attitude. And now he wants me to pick up a tub of butter bark. He said that sounds delicious. Great.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Pingback: Better to fight for something, than live for nothing! | creekviewcarol

  5. Creatine is a molecule produced in the body, where it stores high-energy phosphate groups in the form of phosphocreatine (creatine phosphate). During periods of stress, phosphocreatine releases energy to aid cellular function. This is what causes strength increases after creatine supplementation, but this action can also aid the brain, bones, muscles, and liver. Most of the benefits of creatine are provided through this mechanism.

    Creatine can be found in some foods — mostly meat, eggs, and fish. Creatine supplementation confers a variety of health benefits, notably neuroprotective and cardioprotective. It is often used by athletes to increase both power output and lean mass.

    Stomach cramping can occur when creatine is supplemented without sufficient water. Diarrhea and nausea can occur when too much creatine is supplemented at once, in which case doses should be spread out over the day and taken with meals.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s